Saturday, December 26, 2015

waiting for go-time

Waiting until it is "go time" brews that uncomfortable anxious feeling but I do know the best thing to combat that feeling is to make the most of moments in a happy way.  He would want me to do that!

Today I live for my brother, the protector!
Only one time in my life I felt the need to protect him.

He knew I loved taking photos.  He probably did not realize I was in possession of so many pictures of him and his family.  I loved him and admired him for everything he was especially his devotion to his family.  I spent time this morning going through numerous albums and choosing snapshots that made me smile wide. It was a challenge to narrow down the hundred to these few.  He would chuckle that chuckle of his at what I was doing, but I believe he would be happy with my result.

Through our emails and conversations, he knew what it meant to me to "remember to breathe".  I am fortunate to have a Birthplace Forest close to my home and I felt the need to stroll through it today.  I found a way to make that pretty space a close by escape.  I admired the scenery, breathed in the clean cold air, and swished my feet through the freshly fallen snow.  It was peaceful, I was alone and did not need to hide behind my sunglasses to disguise my private moments because there was no one else any where nearby.  If he was here, I know he would have joined me on this stroll.

He would want me to go ahead and celebrate Christmas.  As I put my thoughts down here, I do so beside my decorated Christmas tree.  The lights are on, the angel on top shines bright and right before my eyes are reminders of home.  While I have not spent time there in the past number of years, a piece of my heart always remains in Nova Scotia and always will.  He knew while I live in the big city I am still a small town girl at heart.  I know he knew that.

I lived today for my brother.

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