Waiting until it is "go time" brews that uncomfortable anxious feeling but I do know the best thing to combat that feeling is to make the most of moments in a happy way. He would want me to do that!
Today I live for my brother, the protector!
Only one time in my life I felt the need to protect him.
He knew I loved taking photos. He probably did not realize I was in possession of so many pictures of him and his family. I loved him and admired him for everything he was especially his devotion to his family. I spent time this morning going through numerous albums and choosing snapshots that made me smile wide. It was a challenge to narrow down the hundred to these few. He would chuckle that chuckle of his at what I was doing, but I believe he would be happy with my result.
Through our emails and conversations, he knew what it meant to me to "remember to breathe". I am fortunate to have a Birthplace Forest close to my home and I felt the need to stroll through it today. I found a way to make that pretty space a close by escape. I admired the scenery, breathed in the clean cold air, and swished my feet through the freshly fallen snow. It was peaceful, I was alone and did not need to hide behind my sunglasses to disguise my private moments because there was no one else any where nearby. If he was here, I know he would have joined me on this stroll.
He would want me to go ahead and celebrate Christmas. As I put my thoughts down here, I do so beside my decorated Christmas tree. The lights are on, the angel on top shines bright and right before my eyes are reminders of home. While I have not spent time there in the past number of years, a piece of my heart always remains in Nova Scotia and always will. He knew while I live in the big city I am still a small town girl at heart. I know he knew that.
I lived today for my brother.